That thing inside of us

Recently, I watched a History Channel show called “The Men Who Built America” and a repeated theme seemed to be the drive that these gentlemen (Rockefeller, Vanderbilt, Carnegie, Ford and J.P. Morgan) was what made them a success.

Now I’m not interested in analyzing their personalities or the financial and political situations that may have helped them end up as they did. I’m more curious as to that drive that the various folks from modern times talked about. It seems they had a drive to win more than just collect money and things. (Obviously money and things come with winning…usually.)

So where does that drive come from? Do we all have it? Is it stronger in some than others? I think the answer to the last question is a somewhat obvious Yes in that some folks go well beyond others in pursuit of a passion or a desire.

The point I’m taking a scenic tour to reach is that I wonder if that drive can be cultivated. Can you learn it later in life or do you have to be born/raised with it?

I really could use some Drive these days. While I had a great motto that I was going to try and live up to for 2015 (Do. The. Work.) I’m not sure it’s that simple. That DTW motto came from the (ongoing) realization that I’m a terrible procrastinator. I will often put off quick and easy tasks just because I can. (Maybe there’s some subconcious sense of lack of control I’m fighting.) Why that delay feels like an accomplishment is just silly…from a logical standpoint.

So I think I’m going to add a little bit to it:  Do The Work and THEN Play.

While I am improving my attention towards work that needs to be done, I’m finding myself bargaining with…myself in that when I first get up, I do something besides work while I’m eating breakfast. When breakfast ends, I’ll get to work right after I finish what I was doing. Which never happens.

I don’t think that knowing there is work to do is making me enjoy the play portion of my day any less. However, it might be more satisfying to have my To Do list done before starting.

So a reboot of my non New Years Resolution.

Let’s see how long I manage to make it work. (BTW, I haven’t yet and I thought about this last week.)

Fear and Loathing in Me

On the drive to work this morning, I was thinking about my hesitation to do things and what really was holding me back.

I started linking ideas in my early morning fog of a brain and realized how strong and crushing the sense of fear can be to a person. Fear not only of failure but possibly even of success. And more importantly, I wondered what it would be like to not be afraid. What could I accomplish?

Recently, there was a web comic strip  where the character sold their soul to Satan to be successful in a sport. And they were successful as the story always goes. Then comes the twist: Satan didn’t really buy the soul. The power to do the thing was always in the character. High Fives all around.

Tie that with a song on the radio where the singer was trying to sell their soul but the devil wasn’t biting and had no interest. Which I would think would be improbable, but that’s a discussion for another day.

While I’m not about to go wandering off looking for the Prince of Darkness or some Crossroads Demon to strike a bargain for something, the intersection of those two thoughts got me wondering “What If?” in relation to fear.

Yesterday, were were having a discussion on how do we manage to take on a less than pleasant or possibly even hard task. Many ideas were presented from visualization of accomplishing the task to flat out ignoring it and hoping it goes away.

I find I often have Eureka moments when I realize what I need to do to get my life back on track and make everything all bright and shiny. Of course, it’s never at a point where I can immediately write down that plan. I get all psyched up for it and then…my brain starts getting in the way. Since most of these moments are while I’m lying in bed getting ready to sleep, I almost think the scared part of my brain goes to sleep first .

And now more than 12 hours later and being consistently busy at work, I’m beginning to realize how often Life gets in the way of my plans for it. :)

To new beginnings!

After some template tweeking and a new photo, I guess I’m ready to start up this blog once again. (Although, I guess it was never used all that much.)


So, here I shall ramble about the new things in my life and things to come. Thinks that interest me and well…like it reads, “Random thoughts at random times.”


So bear with me and I hope you will be entertained at the very least. :)


I know it’s required. I know that it can be helpful.

HOWEVER, why am I doing paperwork to get something done that should have ALREADY been done for me?  I’m not speaking from a sense of entitlement.  It was stated this work would be done already.

Now I’m prodding you to do your work and you require ME to do paperwork?  Alas, I’ll have no choice but to do it.

Additional frustration comes from knowing that giving you all the information you want will not speed up the process.

Thank goodness we only move to a new building once.


Sooooo behind on posting. I probably have tons of things I *should* have posted but, just like my running, have been neglectful to do.

Tomorrow (today as I type) is my first of two upcoming Half Marathons and I’m woefully unprepared. Well, I think I can complete it…just not as well as originally planned. I thought a financial incentive would get me out of the house but it didn’t.

I must find my running mojo. Hopefully it’s a Florida Snowbird and will return soon!


Although I’m far from perfect, it’s truly annoying when simple things go off the rails.  We have a new person at work but we’re having ridiculous problems getting him in-processed since we’re a tenet of the organization we support (think subcontractor).  The people who should be able to fix it couldn’t, even though they’re supposedly in charge of all personnel on site.  Yeah…not so much.

It’s just getting him added to a database properly.  Everything else hangs off of that.  Badge, account…things he needs to get in the door and do his job are thwarted due to a process (that should be simple) not working properly.  There’s light at the end of the tunnel but now the system we’d need access is offline.  Yay!

Needless to say, I will be embracing this piddling frustration as motivation for my run this afternoon.  At least running is simple. ;)